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ON THIS DAY July 17 On this day in 1918, in Russia, the Bolshevik Party orders -- and the Cheka carries out -- the murders of emperor Nicholas II and his family. After the deed is done, the victims' bodies are dipped in acid, set on fire, then dumped down an abandoned mineshaft in an undisclosed location, to prevent loyalists from having bodies over which to grieve. Rumors soon began to spread, however, so the murderers retrieved the bodies with the intent of dumping them down a different mineshaft, far away. The vehicle in which they were transporting the bodies broke down along the way, however, and the conspirators had to settle on burying the bodies in a sealed pit outside 12 miles outside Yekaterinburg. In 1981 Nicholas and his family are canonised as saints by the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia. The bodies remained undiscovered until 1991, soon after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Finally, after a long, strange post-life -- and, not so coincidentally, on the 80th anniversary of their murder -- the Romanovs' remains are buried in St. Catherine Chapel on this day in 1998. On this day in 1986, White House Chief of Staff Donald Regan says imposing economic sanctions on the apartheid government of South Africa wouldn't work because "American women" would never be willing to "give up all their jewelry". One year later, after being forced out of his job due to clashes with the First Lady, Regan would reveal to the world both Nancy Reagan's increasing influence on the President's decision-making process, as well as her frequent consultations with personal astrologer Joan Quigley for advice on national affairs.

THEY SAID IT! "It's the greatest feeling in the world. I pay my taxes. I follow the laws. I pay the high gas prices. This is my one day to say, 'I live with it, but you know what guys? Here. Have a little of it back. Here's to everything I don't like.'" - Robin Felton, 52, of Anaheim, California, gathers with a few hundred of his closest friends to moon passing Amtrack trains. Hey! If they stay there late enough, he'll be able to show the red-eye his brown eye! *** **** *** "I think I would answer that by telling you I don't think we're losing." - After a ten second pause, General Peter J. Schoomaker, the Army chief of staff, answers a reporter's question: "Are we winning in Iraq?"

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Nan or Ben! During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!" *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal N8Possibilities for sending in today's second joke. A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya all from, Sam?" asked the Ranger. With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Sam replied: "...the balcony." WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Brummbaer... When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from his truck to survey the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of state department of transportation workers. The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new. "Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?" The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: ARE EE ESS PEE EE SEE TEE care of: sklag Hi Jerky; So now we've had a cop have his say, then the comments, now the carpet installer. I can see a flood of these whine/respect me e-mails. The point is all the same. We're all human, we lave a job to do, we have a home/private life, we try to do what we're paid to do and do it reasonably honestly and well. There are of course exceptions. People just need to recognise if they want respect they should give it. If you dealing with cops/tradespersons, etc. Do not act as if you are the 'owner', act as an equal doing another job. And the cop, don't act as if you're the Authority, your 'client' is an ordinary person with a job too. It's not a matter of who is superior, we're all just people trying to get on with our lives. Education and position make no real difference. I've found over my years of many 'manual' jobs, dealing with the person (your customer) is easy, just be friendly and prepared to talk to them as equals. I've repaired antiques for the rich, "oh, so you're a lawyer? what type of law? blah blah..." We all know stuff, you can make an intelligent comment and next thing you're on chatting terms, he/she doesn't feel as if they're dealing with a moron. I've fixed broken things in foreign student housing. Again be natural and be interested. "Oh. you're from Ghana? What are you studying blah blah..." You'll get the respect you deserve too. If you can't get on with people you meet in your job. don't whine to us. I guess my proof is I've never had someone not pay. A slightly hissed and poned rant, yer mate, the manual labourer, sklag [Amen, buddy. - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! MOPJ, After reading the story about Wilson/Plame suing Cheney, Libby, and Rove, I think it may be a good thing to look at this site. On a side note, I just hung up with someone over at the SL Tribune and asked them why the story I had just read in this mornings paper was not on their website. He said that the Nation/World section on the site is rotated by the Associated Press and not by the Tribune staff. Now I know why that story is not there. Nothing to look at here. Keep moving please. YOP, Bob [One thing's for sure, Valerie Plame is fucking HOT. - Jerky] *** **** *** MOPJ, Who are these guys? YOP, Bob [You tell me. - Jerky] *** **** *** Ciao Jerky, Don't you think it's a brilliant idea to send the cockroaches up first, so that they can start right away? Etna Fred [Sure. Why not? - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; I'll believe in psychics when one phones me, just in the nick of time, yelling, "Duck!" Dave on Dope [You have to pay them first. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; In response to a recent First Amendment Zone entry, you wrote: "There are two mistakes in the above e-mail. See if you can spot them!" Let me guess: Iran does NOT have nuclear weapons yet (and won't have for several years). N. Korea does NOT have a missle capable of hitting western shores. Cheers, Andy [DING DING DING! - Jerky] *** **** *** Ok Jerky… Let me see if I can pick out the two mistakes in that email from the July 11th dirt. 1) Far from N. Korea proving they could reach the west coast, they proved they could sink their hilariously-named missile into the Pacific. And 2) the Clintons didn’t leave the White House until 2001… and from what I can tell NEVER used the same "diplomacy" and the Bush Misadministration. Ryan [Shit. You spotted one I didn't catch. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hail Jerky One, What's with Congress and the minimum wage? I always thought it was a State thing. As here in Pa. we have just raised it to $6.00 as of 1/1/07 and $7.25 as of 7/1/07. Cheers, YOPMick [Yeah, but the feds set the absolute minimum at which the states can set theirs. - Jerky]

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